and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
