He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
