Tell her she can't have a vagina
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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