I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
