what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
