Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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