His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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