So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
