She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
