My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
