So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
