the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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