I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
