i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
