I want to walk on stilts...naked
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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