I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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