Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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