I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
