is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
