He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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