I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
