oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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