we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
