i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
