I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
