matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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