Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
