While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
