Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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