I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
