i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
