he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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