wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
