I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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