i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
