Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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