No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
