Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just had sex bonerless
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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