This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize