OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm always down for nudity.
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