Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
