I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the day after is always just damage control
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
