Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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