M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Enjoy the penises
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
