Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
