i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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