I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
