You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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