Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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