Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dick has a subreddit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize