thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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