I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
