Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
