is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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