So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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