Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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