You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
