Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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