He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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