She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
