my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
